Weighing My Interests
Filed Under: My Writing, Photography, Writing Process
I had a very long week at work this past week, so most of my weekend was devoted to very low energy pursuits. I read a little, watched some TV, saw Quantum of Solace (okay, but not as good as the last one) and played the demo of Left 4 Dead, Valve’s new Zombie Survival Co-op game (fantastic so far and I can’t wait to play the full game). More than half of today was devoted to making a prop for tomorrow’s Roundbottom photo, and then shooting. The newest post should be pretty amusing, even if it’s not the most meaty thing I’ve written lately. After this, I’m taking a 2 week hiatus to attempt to build up some material and think about what I really want out of this project.
Lately, I have felt like I have to make a choice between writing and photography–that I only have enough time outside of my job to really master one of these two pursuits. It’s probably not true, but I know that I split my energies among too many things. I was feeling okay about maybe dipping my toe back into the writing waters, especially after seeing a great review of the Seeds of Change anthologies. And then I saw some comments on a site about some of my work that was pretty brutal, and I lost what little motivation I had.
Until I can find a reason to write that can stand up to the whims of Joe Random Internet Commenter, then it’s best that I not do any writing. This is one of the things I like about photography. If people don’t like your photography, they rarely say anything. If they like it, they do. But when it comes to fiction, people seem to be compelled to tell you at length just how much you suck. It probably has something to do with the time investment it takes to consume a story vs look at a photo.
Sometimes I think that my photography would get better if it was critiqued to the same degree my fiction has been, but then, negative comments–comments of any sort–don’t really count as critique. And maybe some of the fun of photography would be drained if I took it that seriously?
Earlier, I went for a photowalk down by the river to clear my head and just be in the now. Lately, I am too busy thinking and the nature of my work doesn’t allow for me to get into the now very often. By “the now” I mean, the groove, the flow, whatever. A state of being and doing, where time is meaningless and the ego slips beneath the surface. I took a few decent shots, and stumbled upon a bunch of beaver chews. I walked up and down the area looking for the dam, but I couldn’t find it. I will probably go back the next time I want to take a walk and see if I can spot it. It was very nice.
When I think about how pleasurable it is to go on a photowalk or take pictures in general, I wonder why I can’t have that much fun writing anymore. At some point, it stopped being about fun and started being something else. God knows I value my leisure time like it’s made out of diamonds since my Dad died, so maybe I take writing so seriously because I don’t want to waste anyone’s leisure time with crap writing. Ahem. Which I suppose I am kind of doing right now. I command you not to read this unless you are stealing time from your employer!
There, I feel better.
One day I am going to look back at all the time I have spent agonizing over all this and I’m going to be angry at myself for not just shutting up and doing something. I used to tell people that the key to writing was to “shut up and write” but I’ve gotten awful at following that particular advice. But not tonight–I’m too tired to be angry with myself about it.
New Roundbottom: The Inkblot Spider…
Filed Under: My Writing, New Art Photo, Photography, Writing Process
…and her prey. This week, I wasn’t able to get to a decent podcast script, so I worked up an image I’ve had in the hopper for a while now. This week details the predations and some bio notes of a unique species of spider that feeds on moth pixies in Roundbottom’s world. Check out the Inkblot Spider and share your thoughts.
In other news, I am weighing a sale for my inventory of images that I have printed. I’m considering $30 memberships from now until the end of the year or until I run out of pre-printed stock, whichever comes first.
I’ll admit that I’m disappointed with my success regarding membership kits. I sold 9 kits, and I really appreciate those of you who bought them. Unfortunately, sales have dropped off entirely. I’m considering giving up entirely on limited editon prints and selling everything on the site for $20 a piece. Any thoughts?
It’s hard to keep at this so much when I feel like it’s not as popular as I want it to be. Traffic is low, sales are nonexistent. I know what you’re thinking–do it because you enjoy it, not to make money. Well, no. I’m sorry, but I’d like to make a living from my creative endeavours and I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that. I enjoy the project, but if there is not a large enough audience to justify my time and energy in the project, then I will have to move on to something else. I have a lot of faith in the general concept of the project, but I am increasingly certain that it won’t turn a profit at all. My best bet is probably to use all of it as background research and turn out a novel. Keep the site updating on a lower frequency and turn the whole thing into a good reason to publish the book (beyond it being really good or something).
I’ve been meaning to write a book for a number of years now. I started writing my first book attempt just before my father was diagnosed with cancer. I’ve given up on that book along wth most of of my writing. But the truth is that I haven’t been able to let go of that creative urge, that drive to make something that matters, even if it only matters in the form of fleeting entertainment.
But even though I’ve given up so much, I haven’t been able to give up on Roundbottom. Maybe it’s because the character is a thinly disguised version of what I wanted to be once upon a time. I don’t know. But I want to keep trying to make something of this in some form, even if it’s not the website and the weekly updates. I just don’t know exactly what the best use of my time would be. Look, I have student loans that would make you wince. I may never be out of debt in my adult life without developing some sort of alternative revenue stream to accelerate my payoff. I’m trying to buy my freedom here. If this doesn’t work, I’ll find something else to sell, and I’ll keep trying until something comes out of my gourd. Because I want my freedom so bad I can taste it, and right now, these projects are the best thing I have to accelerate my earning that.
This is Odd
Filed Under: personal
Very strange. I’m suddenly feeling an urge to write something non-Roundbottom again. No strong ideas, really, but there are ideas and a tickling in the back of my head. Maybe I should have that tickling looked at. Could be serious. Speaking of Roundbottom, I’m not going to have a podcast for this Sunday, but I hope to have a less-complicated photo and accompanying post to fill in the gap and keep the streak going.
My search for studio space has been a complete failure so I don’t know what I am going to do to take photos for the project this winter.
You know, I think this itch might actually be a side effect of my daily walks. Getting away from the computer? The motion gets me thinking right? I don’t know, but I find this intriguing. I must explore the notion further…
Or perhaps it’s the results of last night’s election? Maybe a spark of hope has ignited in the lump of coal where my heart should be. I witnessed history that didn’t involve the world changing for the worse. I don’t really remember the wall coming down and 9/11 was not remotely positive. I didn’t get to see a moon landing. So that doesn’t happen often. I actually felt something akin to pride for my country. I was so focused on the right guy winning that I forgot who the right guy was until he was giving his acceptance speech. “Oh yeah,” I said. “Barack’s black.” And the full weight of that hit me, and I grinned (inwardly) until I went to bed. That’s not all who he is, but I had lost sight of that historical significance until I was reminded of it again last night by the tears of Jesse Jackson and Oprah Winfrey.
New Podcast: Arties Aren’t Stupid
Filed Under: My Writing, Podcast, SF Podcasting, Top Post
My story from the excellent anthology Seeds of Change (edited by the Anthology God, formerly known here as the Slush God, John Joseph Adams) has gone live over at Escape Pod. This is a story that was published to mixed reviews. But I am astounded by the job that Philippa Ballantine did here. Her reading was spectacular, and adding a New Zealander accent to the patois of the Arties made the whole thing feel more familar and more exotic at once. I fell in love with my own story, which is not easy for me. Thank you, Philippa. And thanks to John for buying the story.
I believe that my next podcast appearance will be on Starship Sofa with “Captain Bl00d’s Booty,” a story also edited by JJA. It’s either that or one of my earliest (and most loved) stories, “The Girl with the Sun in Her Head” which is with Podcastle, but I don’t know when it is scheduled to go up. Both should be a hoot to hear. Writing all these Roundbottom podcasts has me thinking a lot more about how something could sound when delivered by a talented voice actor. I think it’s only going to improve my writing in the long run.
