I believe Utah, or at least Moab, should appropriate the tourist tag line “Moab is for Lovers.” What’s sexy about Virginia? Because it has the word “virgin” in it? Are they the world’s capital producer of novelty condoms? Moab, and Arches National Park in particular, is inherently a very sexually symbolic place. It’s for lovers with the sense of humor of a 4th grader. And I think that’s all of us.
Look, you’ve been reading this blog, so you’ve seen the pictures. The phallic nature of many of the sandstone formations is undeniable. Some of them are quite explicit in imitating the shape, and aren’t simply taller than they are wide (the Men’s Club standard requirement to use something as an allusion to a penis is defined as simply as that). I double-checked this observation with my wife to make sure that it wasn’t simply a trick of the masculine mind. No, no. There are penises everywhere in Arches National Park.
But Arches National Park is anything but phallocentric. It’s got plenty of vaginal allusions in the landscape as well. Its very namesake evokes a certain female organ. Not quite so elegantly, I suppose, but if you really squint and stretch your metaphorical brain, it kind of makes sense.
I don’t want to say that the landscape acted as an aphrodesiac, but– the landscape acts as an aphrodesiac. For uh, other couples that, we, uh, saw doing it?
Moab is missing out on an entirely different tourist tactic. “Moab is for lovers–huh huh, it totally looks like a giant penis.”
Call me, Moab Tourist Board!







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