Make Your Own Path
Filed Under: personal
I’m stepping in between the regularly scheduled reader questions posts to talk a little bit about a post that I wrote at a low point at the beginning of the month. I try not to let my personal emotional life affect things on the blog, but I was really struggling, so I turned to my blog for catharsis. Project Awesome is still in effect, and so far, it has really had an impact. Let me quote from my first post, The Life and Times of Jeremiah Tolbert.
Struggling isn’t depressing. I am treading water, unable to move forward or back. I can’t move from the place that I am in, in my life, until I have some path to a future. There are a lot of paths but I am constrained on which ones I can accept. Right now, the only path I can accept is one that gives me enough income to support Sarah and I while she returns to school full time for 1-2 years. After that, she can get a teaching job and quite possibly I can actually dedicate myself to the pursuits that I love.
(Note: the real issue wasn’t income, it’s health insurance)
The notion that my path is constrained was an artifact of my emotional state. When you’re down, you start to feel like your options are limited. Project Awesome, and faking optimism, has had a profound effect on my life so far. While I haven’t had much success on the job front, I have picked up or am in the process of picking up several freelance jobs. I feel better about myself in general. I wake up in the morning and I look forward to the day ahead of me. I feel more connected with people, and while I still suffer from attacks of fear and anxiety about the future, I have the sense now that I can do so much more than I have. Possibilities have opened up that I couldn’t see before.
You make your own path. Your paths aren’t just options presented to you, from which you passively choose. I’m pushing forward with my freelancing career, taking on exciting new work, even though I know that ultimately, I need a different situation. But the truth of the situation is that I need health insurance and prescription benefits. It don’t need a job–but at first glance, a job seems like the only way to get it.
Yesterday, I did some Googling and discovered that there are some ways that freelancers can get insurance. I’m not sure if we will be turned down for them like we were rejected for private health insurance plans last summer, but I’m willing to ask around and investigate my options. There are associations through which I can try to get a plan, and I’m going to check with the local chamber of commerce.
The lesson I’ve learned is that when something seems impossible, it just means I haven’t googled the right search terms. I can find my way around the barriers that seem to block my path to following my bliss. Creative problem-solving goes a long way. Having optimism seems to be an important step in leveraging that creative problem-solving skillset. You have to believe, despite evidence to the contrary, that your problems are surmountable. Starting from that position makes a world of difference.
Thank you to everyone for your support. It’s helped put me on the right path, and some of you have been watching me carefully to help make course corrections if it sounds like I’m drifting off track. For that, I can’t thank you enough. You are true friends.
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