Be a Positive Force in Fandom, Not an Asshole

If there was one thing that drew me in par­tic­u­lar to genre fan­dom as a whole, it was the bound­less and unashamed enthu­si­asm that genre fans had.  Fans loved things, and their pas­sion was worn on their sleeves.  They weren’t ashamed to like sci­ence fic­tion in gen­eral, or, say, Star Trek in par­tic­u­lar, despite there con­sid­er­able soci­etal dis­aproval of such things.  My nerdy ways got me made fun of as much as my big ears, grow­ing up.

Today, with Generation X and Y in full force, there’s been a bit of a shift, I think.  Sarcasm is some­thing our gen­er­a­tions prize, as well as a well-​​cultured sense of irony.  But what’s worse, when com­bined with those things, is a cer­tain odd form of self-​​awareness that leads to what I’d like to talk about:

It’s cooler to dis­like some­thing than it is to like some­thing today.  It’s more cul­tur­ally accept­able in my peer groups, par­tic­u­larly online, to express dis­ap­proval of some­thing than it is to express enthusiasm.

I’m not against crit­i­cism.  It’s only by being crit­i­cal of art forms that we under­stand them and learn to improve them.  Thoughtful crit­i­cism is a great thing.  So let’s take that off the table of what I’m talk­ing about.  I’m going to talk about how we express our dis­like of things, why, and when we do it.

First of all, I think it’s an unde­ni­able trend that being enthu­si­as­tic for some­thing is much less of a draw of atten­tion than being highly crit­i­cal of some­thing, par­tic­u­larly online.  If I write a blog post that is crit­i­cal of a pop­u­lar movie, it receives at least twice as many views as if I wrote a glow­ing rec­om­men­da­tion.  It’ll receive twice as many com­ments too, and often, what com­ments the glow­ing rec­om­men­da­tion receives are argu­ments against the opin­ion.  There are a lot of rea­sons for this, but in gen­eral, I’d like to see us change it in our cor­ner of the web.

I used to be a reg­u­lar on the blog Metafilter.  We called a cer­tain phe­nom­e­non  “your favorite band sucks.”  Whenever any­one expressed an appre­ci­a­tion or an author or a band, five peo­ple came along to crit­i­cize the author or band.  Here’s where we come to my first rule of the pos­i­tive fan.

Every expres­sion of appre­ci­a­tion online is not an oppor­tu­nity for you to voice your disapproval.

It’s fine for you not to like some­thing.  But every time some­one else says they like some­thing that you don’t is not the best time for you to piss in the corn­flakes of inter­net com­ment­ing.  Every dis­cus­sion is not a debate on the mer­its and demer­its of some­thing.  In fact, let’s put this out there in plain terms: every dis­cus­sion online does not have to be and should not be “fair and bal­anced.”  Know your audi­ence, and know the scene you’re in–will they appre­ci­ate your per­spec­tive, or will they think you’re just being an asshole?

Which brings me to my next point:

Don’t be an ass­hole. Remember: every­thing you crit­i­cize is the hard work of a human being with feelings.

Don’t assume that the cre­ator of what you are trash­ing won’t read it.  It’s the inter­net.  We’re all super­nat­ural beings that can be sum­moned by the use of our name thanks to Google.  Don’t be an ass­hole, and don’t resort to ad hominem attacks.  Be crit­i­cal of the work, and not the cre­ator.  Every cre­ative act should be encour­aged, even if you con­sider it a fail­ure.  All art is a learn­ing process.

If you must be crit­i­cal, be specific.

So you have a burn­ing desire to share your dis­ap­proval of some­thing and you just can’t be stopped.  Fine.  Leave your crit­i­cal remark, but here are crit­cial remarks that do noth­ing but hurt people:

It sucked.”

Don’t quit your day job”

I want my [PERIOD OF TIME SPENT] back.”

Who likes this shit?”

Do you see the trend here?  We’ve all seen these com­ments.  Most of us have prob­a­bly left them at some point.    What’s miss­ing here is sub­stance.

You owe your fel­low humans to be spe­cific in your crit­i­cism. It’s in everyone’s best inter­ests for a cre­ator to improve, and they can’t use your feed­back to do that if it doesn’t have any substance.

I assume part of the point of the urge to share our strong dis­like of some­thing online, besides the weird Gen-​​Y/​X need to feel cool via dis­parag­ing things, is that we can’t stand the idea that some­one does like it, and we want to explain to them why their enthu­si­asm is mis­placed.  We’re not going to do that with vague gen­er­al­i­ties. Be spe­cific, and be polite. Consider shar­ing our enthu­si­asm for some­thing else as a coun­ter­point so oth­ers know we’re not just being an ass­hole for the sake of it.  Is it some­thing we would say to the creator’s face, in per­son, while they ball their fists and start to turn red?  No?  Dial down the venom, and remember:

All opin­ions are not equal.  But if you think yours really mat­ters most, you’re prob­a­bly wrong.

Most peo­ple just aren’t going to really care what your opin­ion of some­thing is, unless they know you.  If you’re a ran­dom stranger leav­ing feed­back on a blog, don’t expect your com­ment to hold any spe­cial weight with the other read­ers or the com­menters.  Don’t get increas­ingly angry when peo­ple aren’t swayed to your antag­o­nis­tic point of view.  Silently mark these peo­ple off as morons like you do to every human being you dis­ap­prove of, and move on.

Moving on to the Positive Part

Thus far, I’ve really focused on the neg­a­tive, because I know that’s what is going to get the most atten­tion.  Now that I have it, let’s talk about how we can reverse the trend a lit­tle.  As a group, work­ing together with a com­mon goal, I think we can lighten the tone a bit.

If you like some­thing, say so.

Positive, sup­port­ive com­ments are always far out­num­bered by the neg­a­tive ones.  We need to change this, or at least tips the scales back the other way a bit.  If you take noth­ing else away from this sanc­ti­mo­nious blog post, just lis­ten to  this part.  When you like some­thing, whether that some­thing be a story, a book, a web­site, a blog post, a pod­cast, a paint­ing, whatever–when you like some­thing, tell some­one.  You can broad­cast it on your blog or your twit­ter. That is awe­some.  Or you can go nar­row­band and leave a com­ment for the cre­ator or write an email.  Hell, you want to really make someone’s day, send them a snail mail letter.

We as an inter­net pop­u­lace have a ten­dency to be quiet when we’re approv­ing, and save our key­strokes for when we’re angry.  This is wrong, and I think we can change this.  Let’s put the enthu­si­as­tic fan back into the mix.  We can’t all hate every­thing.  Let’s see if we can aim for bring­ing the positive/​negative com­ment ratio up to 1:1.  And hey–the only thing worse than a bunch of nasty com­ments and feed­back is no feed­back at all.  Don’t assume some­one else will say some­thing.  Take the ini­tia­tive and say some­thing yourself.

For a lit­tle over a year now, I’ve been mak­ing a point of writ­ing authors and let­ting them know when I’ve really liked some­thing they’ve writ­ten.  I write peo­ple I know and writ­ers I have never met.  I’m going to start expand­ing this to other forms.  There’s no rea­son I have to save my fan­nish enthu­si­asm for the printed word.

Now, you may be a major con­sumer of media, and you might be won­der­ing, how can I pos­si­bly send notes to the cre­ators of every­thing I con­sume? When it’s some­thing you’ve paid for, I think your money is often appre­ci­a­tion enough.  However, if it’s some­thing you’ve read online for free, and you enjoyed it, I think we should feel oblig­ated to share our pos­i­tive feed­back.  If you want peo­ple to keep doing what they’re doing, you need to say so.  Again–don’t assume some­one else will do it for you.  We should be as ener­gized to share our enthu­si­asm as our outrage.

I hope you’ll join me in this-​​I don’t want to say “move­ment,” but let’s call it a pseudo-​​philosophy.   I prob­a­bly won’t con­vince the die-​​hard ass­holes to stop being ass­holes, but hope­fully I can con­vince we quiet approvers to speak up more often. I know I’m not per­fect, that I’ve been the ass­hole, but I’m mak­ing a con­certed effort not to be in the future.

I’m sure there are a lot of crit­i­cisms of this post you can make, and you’re wel­come to do so in the com­ments.  Please fol­low the rules above.  Consider this my new com­ment mod­er­a­tion pol­icy on my blog.  I hope I don’t have to enforce it.

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    45 Responses

    1. An excel­lent post, and an excel­lent sen­ti­ment. Well done, and thank you for say­ing this!

    2. amen — great article

    3. @Micrathene says:

      Very nicely put, and thank you for say­ing it!

    4. […] JeremiahTolbert​.com » Blog Archive » Be a Positive Force in Fandom … […]

    5. This is nice! I would add to these com­ments that it is one thing to argue or refute a news­pa­per or other author­i­ta­tive post– if you think they got the facts wrong, feel free to point out where– and quite another to merely call some­one names for express­ing his/​her opin­ions on a per­sonal blog. Yes, blogs are posted on the web, but that doesn’t mean it’s not rude to snipe at the peo­ple who write them.

    6. Nadine says:

      I like this.

      I’ve done my fair share of trash­ing other peo­ples’ stuff, I con­fess. In hope­ful mit­i­ga­tion, it’s been a while since I indulged in trash­ing some­thing just for the sake of doing so.

      I whole­heart­edly endorse the idea of a 1:1 bitchery:praise ratio, and I salute you for say­ing it. I think I’ll spread the word around a bit (hooray for Twitter!)

    7. […] This post was Twitted by CherylMorgan […]

    8. just a geek girl says:

      This needed to be said. I’ve seen too many good things trashed on the inter­net because of the whole “your favorite band sux” atti­tude. In fact, I’ve seen blogs and twit­ter accounts that were based on just that thought. When peo­ple respond pos­i­tively to some­thing the neg­a­tives come out in force w/​ “you’re just a sheep,” “no sane per­son would ever like that,” “that’s just stu­pid,” etc., etc., et al. Some very cool con­ver­sa­tions have been derailed because of these trolls. Con crit is a good thing, but if your sole pur­pose for being on the inter­net is to let every­one know you think “fill in the blank” sucks, you need your inter­net con­nec­tion severed.

    9. Sandy says:

      This is bril­liant, and applies to all online com­mu­ni­ties. I’m not involved in fan­dom, but I’m heav­ily involved in free soft­ware, and we have all the same prob­lems you’ve brought up, and I think the same solu­tions apply.

      I found this post on twit­ter, where it’s being shared by a lot of nerds from the free soft­ware world. Thanks for writ­ing it!

    10. Mercedes says:

      Excellent, thanks. This con­ver­sa­tion has been com­ing up quite a bit recently.

    11. Great post. Glad this is going viral on Twitter. I par­tic­u­larly perked up at your words on the lack of com­ment­ing when you did like things.

    12. Lauren says:

      Really appre­ci­ated this. Hope more peo­ple start fol­low­ing this pseudo-​​philosophy.

    13. As an unre­pen­tant Twilight fan, thank you.

    14. Indigo says:

      I’m a big believer in your pseudo-​​philosophy and have been for a while.

      It’s very sim­i­lar to the Buddhist rede for mind­ful speech.

      Before speak­ing (or hit­ting sub­mit on that com­ment) ask yourself:

      Is it true? Is it kind? Is it nec­es­sary? Ideally, what you’re about to say should be 2 of those 3 at least.

      Does it improve upon silence? The answer should be yes. If the answer is no, you shouldn’t be speaking/​posting.

    15. Thank you for artic­u­lat­ing this. It’s an impor­tant reminder, par­tic­u­larly cri­tique­ing the work and not the cre­ator of the work.

    16. Christie says:

      THANK YOU for artic­u­lat­ing some­thing that has been both­er­ing me for years. “I don’t like it” =/​= “It sucks.”

      I hope this ‘move­ment’ gains steam.

      Well, it’s no harder to be nice than it is to be creepy. And it’s much more fun.” ~ Death (Neil Gaiman’s “Death: the High Cost of Living”)

    17. Nayad Monroe says:

      This is a great thing to read! I like to see pos­i­tive behav­ior. Well done. :)

    18. Sewicked says:

      My New Year’s res­o­lu­tion this year was to say ‘thank you’, to the peo­ple that would not oth­er­wise know that I like what they are doing. I have emailed my favorite web­comic artists, espe­cially, because they work in what almost amounts to a vac­uum. Yes, they can track vis­i­tors, but does that really tell them that I like what they’ve done?

      It may take a cou­ple min­utes; depend­ing on how well the per­son hid their con­tact info. But that is all that it takes; a lit­tle of my time. And as a bonus, it makes me feel good.

    19. […] was abuzz this morn­ing with this par­tic­u­lar post by Jeremiah Tolbert.  I’ve never been a Internet flamer, but I some­times shy away from telling some­body that I […]

    20. Rhonda says:

      Bravo! I saw a link to this on Facebook. Had to read it. Then *I* linked to on Facebook.

      I’m tired of the “You Suck Reviews”.

    21. Rie Sheridan Rose says:

      Excellent post. I think we all should take it to heart. I am gen­er­ally not one to com­ment if I DON’T like some­thing, but I need to be more proac­tive when I DO. Thanks for the reminder. :)

    22. Nar Williams says:

      Very well put, Jeremiah — thanks.

      I recently was inter­viewed for a doc­u­men­tary film about George Lucas where I expressed a sim­i­lar sen­ti­ment — I’ve always thought that being a fanboy/​fangirl is about being pas­sion­ate about some­thing and shar­ing it with oth­ers, not look­ing for cre­ators to trash.

      When/​why do you think this phe­nom started? My guess is the late nineties, when the Phantom Menace shocked the sys­tem of fan­boys and the inter­net allowed them to scream about it anonymously.

    23. […] it was you, let me know!) Jeremiah Tolbert wrote about crit­i­ciz­ing oth­ers in a post called, “Be a Positive Force in Fandom, Not an Asshole.” This par­tic­u­lar pas­sage really struck me. It’s cooler to dis­like some­thing than it is to […]

    24. Paige Bruce says:

      Hope you don’t mind me link­ing here from a post on my own web­site! I think its some­thing that every­one should read.

    25. Jeremiah Tolbert says:

      No, of course not. Link away as much as you like.

    26. Murphy says:

      There’s a des­per­ate need (in Western Culture, maybe just in human being) to be “right”, which means some­one else must be “wrong”. Whatever MY opin­ion is, it must be the RIGHT opin­ion because it’s MINE, and that means YOURS is WRONG, and in order to get enough gold stars to get into heaven, I must call out all the wrong­ness and prove my right­ness. Also, I must get more peo­ple to agree with me any way I can, since that makes me MORE RIGHT and…

      Well, you get the idea.

      And the eas­i­est way to make sure some­one else looks wrong and you look right is to belit­tle their work, their opin­ion, their ideas, or them. Sarcasm is a nice weapon, with all the handy sub­tly of passive-​​aggression. People often admire some­thing that makes them laugh — even if they are laugh­ing from fear of being the next tar­get, to join in with the herd. Sarcasm com­bines all this. It also does not require one to exam­ine, explain and defend one’s own opin­ion — just attack and no one will notice how the “right” opin­ion is just as flabby as the “wrong” opinion.

      It’s hard work to stand by one’s own opin­ion, espe­cially when we feel like we stand alone.

    27. Jeremiah Tolbert says:

      Nick Mamatas had some very good crit­i­cal points about this post over here:
      http://​nihilis​tic​-kid​.live​jour​nal​.com/​1​3​6​2​2​6​3​.​h​tml

    28. Cat Rambo says:

      Nice post, Jeremy.

    29. Lee says:

      Loosely related to this: I notice that it’s much eas­ier for me to accept some­one else *not* lik­ing one of my favorite things (book, movie, musi­cal artist, what­ever) than it is for me to accept some­one else lik­ing some­thing that I think is absolute garbage. If other peo­ple have the same reac­tion pat­tern, that could rein­force the ten­dency to argue against things more than for them. And if you become aware of that pat­tern in your own think­ing, it may become eas­ier to let go when you hear some­one prais­ing that band that you think sucks, instead of feel­ing obliged to dive in and present your counter-​​opinion.

    30. Wolfger says:

      Thank you! You shouldn’t have made it fandom-​​centric, though. Nonetheless, an excel­lent essay that I am shar­ing on Facebook.

    31. Derksen says:

      Heh. So is this the part where I secretly con­fess that I find “Defying Gravity” actu­ally has poten­tial as good sci-​​fi, and vaguely reminds me of old Arthur C. Clark ‘group-​​dynamic-​​in-​​space type sto­ries… in spite of its pan­der­ing to the 90210 sleep-​​around crowd?

    32. SF Signal says:

      SF Tidbits for 8/​20/​09…

      Slate finds the graphic novel ver­sion of Ray Bradbury’s Fahrenheit 451 wor­ri­some. [via Locus Online] Interviews & Profiles [some of these via Bibliophile Stalker]:Mur Lafferty inter­views Cory Doctorow.Meanwhile, At Your Library video-​​interviews Cory D…

    33. […] Jeremiah Tolbert urges read­ers to Be A Positive Force in Fandom, Not An Asshole. […]

    34. Pete Tzinski says:

      That was a great arti­cle, and I agree entirely. I review books now and again (and just gen­er­ally opin­ion­ate on things-I’ve-watched, or read, or lis­tened to) and I find it harder to review some­thing I haven’t enjoyed. Mostly because if I like some­thing, I tend to bub­ble about it any­way and want to talk about it.

      And I think that your final idea, of get­ting in touch with the cre­ator of the thing you liked is a good idea. I do that now and then. Just last week, I read a short story online that floored me, and sent the author a long and bab­bling e-​​mail of unashamed praise.

      Um. This prob­a­bly means I’m a ter­ri­ble mem­ber of Generation X/​Y… :)

    35. David E says:

      BY Richard K. Morgan.…man, I really need to proof­read before I hit the sub­mit button

    36. David Noceti says:

      Followed Page Bruce’s link to your page over on her post for today http://​paige​bruce​.word​press​.com/​2​0​0​9​/​0​8​/​1​9​/​c​r​i​t​i​c​i​z​i​n​g​-​o​t​h​e​rs/

      I won­der how much of this ani­mos­ity is related to our day to day inter­ac­tions in this mod­ern age. So much of our lives are taken up with being talked at and told what we should and should not like, it’s rare that we have an oppor­tu­nity to say, “No, actu­ally I don’t think just like you say I do.”

      But you’re def­i­nitely right about not let­ting it eat us alive and con­t­a­m­i­nate our think­ing. You give some use­ful tips, thanks for shar­ing them.

    37. Jason Arnett says:

      A lot of years ago I started stand­ing in lines at comic con­ven­tions to tell artists and writ­ers how much I enjoyed their work with­out ask­ing for a sig­na­ture. I applaud your sen­ti­ment here and thank you, sir, for the fine words you’ve writ­ten in this post. I really appre­ci­ate them.

    38. Bob says:

      Thank you. This was refresh­ing!
      Isn’t it a sign of the times that peo­ple believe their per­sonal opin­ions, no mat­ter how unin­formed, are crit­i­cally impor­tant to oth­ers? I think it’s due in large part to con­sumerism. We are bom­barded with adver­tise­ments and hype that try to push us into favor­ing a par­tic­u­lar prod­uct or ser­vice, and so we are forced into con­tin­u­ally make pos­i­tive and neg­a­tive judg­ments. The adver­tis­ers por­tray our opin­ions as incred­i­bly impor­tant (because they are to their bot­tom line), but we’ve devel­oped an over-​​inflated sense of the value of our approval or dis­ap­proval.
      Thanks again!

    39. Saronai says:

      This is only the sec­ond arti­cle I’ve come across here. I try to leave pos­i­tive com­ments myself when I really like something.

      I think this phi­los­o­phy should spread all over the inter­net, not just web­sites, but also in gam­ing inter­ac­tions as well. I spent some time in an online game with a group of peo­ple who were con­stantly mak­ing fun of other role­play­ers and their descrip­tions, etc. That sort of envi­ron­ment sucks all the fun out of it and makes so many peo­ple worry if their own ideas are good enough to share or if they should just keep cling­ing to that wall.

      Don’t like it? Don’t read it, don’t visit.

      I become eas­ily annoyed now by peo­ple who insult oth­ers just to make them­selves feel supe­rior, or cool in their hate. They are quick to join my don’t like, don’t read, don’t visit list hehe.

      I’d rather the ratio be more in favour of the pos­i­tive, but hey, 1:1 is bet­ter than no improve­ment at all :D

      Keep up the inter­est­ing arti­cles because this is in my blog read­ing short­cuts now and my opin­ion mat­ters most (obvi­ously I kid…on the last part…obviously…bye)!

      –Saronai

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