Jeremiah Tolbert

Writer | Photographer | Web Designer

Writing: Your Subconscious and You

I have a very rocky rela­tion­ship with my subconscious.

On the one hand, my sub­con­scious is the font of my best ideas.  Even when I writ­ing some­thing that has come mostly from ego-brain think­ing, it inserts cool things, catches ideas that I missed the first time around.  It’s some­times like hav­ing a bet­ter writer sit­ting on your shoul­der catch­ing your missed opportunities.

On the other hand,  my subconscious’s inter­ests are not always mar­ketable inter­ests.  My sub­con­scious feeds me sto­ries about Kansas about once a week.  The state needs to start writ­ing me checks for the PR.  Lord knows they need a pos­i­tive face what with all the wackos that pop­u­late my home state.  So I write a lot of sto­ries about Kansas or set in Kansas. I’ve yet to find a mar­ket for that stuff, and I doubt any­one wants to read about it.  And yet my sub­con­scious per­sists.  I’m wrestling with Potatohead (that’s what I call my sub­con­scious) right now about a story that involves mole men and Kansas.    Excited to read that one? Yeah, didn’t think so. I keep telling him, we need postsin­gu­lar­ity sto­ries that use the entire galaxy as their set­ting.  We need fan­tasy sto­ries that take place in the New York sub­way sys­tem.  What does he feed me?   A story about a woman whose abu­sive dead hus­band comes back made out of pota­toes after being buried int he garden.

Yeah, I actu­ally wrote that one.  The rejec­tion Nick gave it at Clarkesworld was enough to put me off writ­ing for a year.  Not one you’ll prob­a­bly ever read. There are a lot of these.

On rare occa­sions, one of us presents an  idea that the other finds just as fas­ci­nat­ing.  My story “The Yeti Behind Me”  is a good exam­ple.  The idea of ghosts of extinct ani­mals popped up in con­ver­sa­tion.  I felt the indi­ca­tion of Potatohead’s inter­est in the form of an explo­sion just behind my right eye.  Potatohead is not sub­tle.   But if we agree on some­thing straight away, I know it’s got legs.

Problem has been, lately, I have stopped trust­ing Potatohead.  He’s fix­ated on the same things much of the time.  He’s not giv­ing me ideas that I can get excited about.  And vice versa.  I spend all day think­ing of story ideas and ask­ing “Hey, Potatohead, what do you think of this one?”  His response is gen­er­ally a resound­ing “meh.”

I feel like the two parts of my brain are at war lately  Each one knows some­thing use­ful about writ­ing, but they are not agree­ing on things nearly often enough for me to feel like I’m mov­ing for­ward with my “career.”  I can write sto­ries based pri­mar­ily on the input of one half, but those sto­ries are flat, and aren’t going to take me anywhere.

There’s one other, unre­lated thing about Potatohead that ticks me off.  When I’m asleep, peo­ple can talk directly to Potatohead.  I have had long and var­ied con­ver­sa­tions in my sleep that I con­ciously have no rec­ol­lec­tion of.  The thing that gets me into trou­ble is, Potatohead doesn’t know that I/we are married.

Sarah has come to bed late on sev­eral occa­sions, only to see me shoot upright in bed and demand “Who is that?”

It’s me,” she says.

Me WHO?” Potatohead asks.

Sarah,” she says, begin­ning to be a bit more exasperated.

Sarah WHO?”

And that’s the last straw.  “Your WIFE,” she snaps.  “Go back to sleep.”

Oh.  Okay,” says Potatohead and down he goes back to where he came.  And the only indi­ca­tor I have that this con­ver­sa­tion ever hap­pened is that my wife is pissed at me all morn­ing for no appar­ent reason.

How does one force his or her two minds to sit down and come to some kind of ami­ca­ble agree­ment?  We have crap that needs to get worked out if we are going to con­tinue to make a career of work­ing together.  This part­ner­ship is turn­ing sour, and I need to straighten things out quickly.  I also need to get it through Potatohead’s half-brain that ask­ing “Sarah WHO?” is not a good thing for either of us.  If any­one has any sug­ges­tions, I’d love to hear them.

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9 Responses »

  1. You should post the rejec­tion letter!

    Anyway, a fair num­ber of writ­ers do man­age to cul­ti­vate cer­tain loca­tions for sto­ries, whether real (Etchison’s Los Angeles) made up King’s (Castle Rock) or a mix of the two (Lovecraft’s New England).

    Looking at that list a few sec­onds later though, I note I men­tioned hor­ror writ­ers. Perhaps at least as far as the scares go, a lit­tle ground­ing in the famil­iar is nec­es­sary to intro­duce the unfa­mil­iar. Of course, fan­tasy writ­ers often ded­i­cate them­selves to a sin­gle set­ting of their own manufacture…

  2. I don’t know if I have it any­more. I would if I could find it. I’ll look around.

    The prob­lem is, all of those places are about 100 times more pop­u­lar with the pub­lic than fuck­ing _Kansas._ I say “Kansas” and 90% of peo­ple not from Kansas thinks “cre­ation­ism” and if I’m lucky, “wheat.”

    It’s a bad loca­tion to be sub­con­sciously sad­dled with I think. I some­times think its value as lit­er­ary real estate is approx­i­mate to its value as real real estate. A 3500 square foot Victorian man­sion can be had in parts of Kansas for less than $150,000! If nobody really wants to live there, I’m hav­ing a hard time con­vinc­ing myself that any­one, espe­cially east coast edi­tors, are inter­ested in read­ing about liv­ing there.

  3. The time I spent in Kansas was in the south­east part of the state, haul­ing hay as a sum­mer job. My mem­o­ries are nec­es­sar­ily dif­fer­ent from yours and pri­mar­ily involve dust, heat, and chew­ing tobacco. I was glad to visit and glad to work; for a Yankee it was a very edu­ca­tional sum­mer. But I was also glad to leave.

    It could be that until you write those sto­ries Potatohead won’t be will­ing to shut up. Maybe the best is to sub­vert him, i.e. set the potato story in Maine or Idaho…

  4. Hey, I actu­ally spent time research­ing a story I’m going to set in Kansas and I’m based in the UK! (really need to fin­ish that).

    I keep a log of all ideas, some have sat there a long time before mar­ry­ing up with a new idea. I’ve also told myself it’s OK to write the potato-man sto­ries as in my view, they may never be pub­lish­able, but it clears it out the way for new (and hope­fully pub­lish­able) stories

    [Here via Jay Lake Twitterstream]

  5. What about detail?

    Doesn’t that sway read­ers to com­mit to a world you built? If Kansas has a pull for you, maybe you need to write *more* about it, to find that Lovecraftian place under the Newhart sheen.

  6. Dude, I’ll read about mole men in Kansas any day of the week. Especially if the alter­na­tive is Another Fucking Singularity.

  7. As some­one who lives on the other side of the world, Kansas is one of the states in America that has a strong asso­ci­a­tion in my mind (thank you Wizard of Oz). I don’t really know much about New Mexico, Colorado, or Dakoda but my pre­con­cep­tions of Kansas, while prob­a­bly mostly wrong, are where my ideas of mid­dle America happen.

    Also, if Potatohead asks you to par­tic­i­pate in fight in a bar carpark, you may want to think twice.

  8. Hey, I’d read about mole men in Kansas… O:)

    I know now not to drink when read­ing any posts with Potatohead… *grin*

  9. I don’t see what’s wrong with writ­ing about Kansas. And the story about the dead guy made of pota­toes sounds inter­est­ing. Where’d you get the idea that these are bad concepts?

    FYI, after my sum­mer in Mcpherson (“There’s no ‘fear’ in ‘Mac-fur-suhn’!”) I think Kansas would be a great place to set all kinds of crazy shit. For exam­ple, the vast major­ity of humans have never seen an honest-to-god green sky.

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