Jeremiah Tolbert

I’m not going to do New Years res­o­lu­tions.  I’m going to reflect back on what I learned, and allow that to guide my progress forward.

In no par­tic­u­lar order of importance:

1. Cyberfunded Creativity Does Not Work
   For me, that is.  At least at the level I would like (break­ing even on expenses).  I think you stand the best chance of mak­ing money online if you have pop­u­lar­ity for some­thing other than what you’re doing. It’s damned near impos­si­ble to build an audi­ence for some­thing like Dr. Roundbottom.  For one, it’s too much of a niche inter­est (steam­punk photo fic­tion).  Second, I don’t have the pro­file of a BNA (Big Name Author).  I’ll keep doing it in 2009, but not with the same level of dedication.
2. I Love Photography But it Won’t Make Me Rich
   I do.  I really love being behind the cam­era, shoot­ing just about any­thing.  Sure, it’s frus­trat­ing and the pic­tures rarely turn out the way I pic­tured them, but I feel like there’s a ton left to learn.  In 2009, I will be expand­ing my for­ays into pro­fes­sional pho­tog­ra­phy by doing some live band shoots I hope.  I will be mak­ing more and more trips into the Rockies to shoot wildlife.  I may open a print store to sell prints of some­thing other than Dr. Roundbottom images.  But unless I give up every­thing else, go back to art school, and pur­sue pho­tog­ra­phy as a full time pro­fes­sion, I can’t make a liv­ing from it.  Even then, jobs are scarce com­pared to the num­ber of peo­ple who want to be doing it.  Like many of my inter­ests, I got in at a time where the bar­ri­ers to entry were lower than ever.
3. The World Doesn’t End if You Lose Your Job
   One of my great­est fears prior to this sum­mer was los­ing a job.  I take a great amount of pride in my job, and I also have a lot of school debt, so the two fac­tors com­bined cre­ate a lot of stress for me.   When I was laid off from my last job, I felt good, then depressed, and then 3 days later, I threw myself into look­ing for any kind of work I could get.  I picked up great new clients (Thanks, Jeff! Sarah! Jay!) and I learned a lot about the busi­ness.  Which leads to num­ber 4.  And by the way, head­ing into this econ­omy, this is an impor­tant les­son to remind myself of.
4. I Can Run My Own Business
   Thanks to my lay­off. I learned that I do have what it takes to make it on my own, and if our health care prob­lem in this coun­try ever gets solved I will not hes­i­tate to start my own busi­ness.  Or if Sarah has a job with great ben­e­fits.  I really love work­ing for myself, even if it means 12 hour days.  The free­dom makes me so happy. And I have no trou­ble focus­ing on work while work­ing from home.
5. I Still Want to be a Writer (Whatever That Means)
   I spent much of 2008 pretty sure that my urge to write had gone down the tubes, despite putting out quite a lot of work related to #1 above.  I didn’t write sto­ries, I stopped fol­low­ing SF news and blogs, and I stopped read­ing much SF.  But as I find myself grow­ing increas­ingly angry at the future and how it has been robbed from us by greedy bas­tards, I find once again that I have a few things I want to say.  I wrote 2 sto­ries this year, one within the last cou­ple of days (which I really need to edit and mail off tonight).  I’m hop­ing to at least dou­ble that out­put next year, and maybe, just maybe, finally start a novel.  I’m 31 years old and I have my whole career ahead of me.
6. I Am Still in Love
   Sarah and I have had some rough times. My men­tal insta­bil­ity brought on by the death of many fam­ily mem­bers all at once nearly ruined every­thing.  But with each pass­ing year, I feel closer to her, and my love deep­ens sur­pris­ingly more.  Each time I think it doesn’t get any bet­ter, it does.  There are two dif­fer­ent kinds of love, and the first one is super­fi­cial, but more intense.  I think a lot of peo­ple get tied up in that love, in look­ing for it, and they miss out on the much more ful­fill­ing kind that only comes with time.
7. I Am Loved
   I look at Twitter, I look at Livejournal, and I look at Facebook and I real­ize that I am a very lucky man to have the friends and fam­ily that I do. I wake up each morn­ing and see an amaz­ing per­son who any­one would say is way, way out of my league.  There are times when I feel iso­lated and alone, just a chem­i­cal imbal­ance really, but I think I have learned more in 2008 than any year before just how much peo­ple care for me, and how much I care about them in return.  I am look­ing to deepen my friend­ships and under­stand­ing of peo­ple in the com­ing year.  It will make me a bet­ter per­son in return.
8. Change Can Happen
   I lost 70 pounds, and am mostly suc­ceed­ing at keep­ing the weight off.  We elected some­one truly new and fresh to the President of the United States.  Change does hap­pen, both within and in the world.  I can con­trol some of that.  Like our new President, I have the audac­ity to hope for a bet­ter tomor­row.  Not only that, but the deter­mi­na­tion to work for it in what­ever way I can.
9. I Do Want to Have A Child
   I’ve been think­ing a lot about the mean­ing of life, and I think from a bio­log­i­cal stand­point, this is it.  Raising another life, another per­son into being.  That’s the point, and it should be denied to no one.  I don’t know when will be the right time, but my doubts about it have faded.  I want to be a father.  I think I’ll be a damned good one.  I’ve learned from some of the best; My father, my step­fa­ther, and my father-​​in-​​law.   Three great men.  I can’t go wrong.
10. I Am Probably Not Going to Live Forever–But Who Cares?
    I’m slowly com­ing to terms with my own mor­tal­ity at age 31.  Maybe it’s my real­iza­tion at #9 that has begun to ease my fears which were brought on sharply by deaths in the fam­ily.  I still long for suc­cess­ful life exten­sion drugs.  I still want more time.  But I’m going to try and make the best of the time that I do have.  I’m not going to live each day like it’s my last, because that would prob­a­bly mean lay­ing in bed and wheez­ing a lot and clutch­ing at my chest.   I’m not ready to go yet, but maybe in another 100 years or so, I will be ready.  I’ll do what I can, and I’ll leave a mark on this world in ways that are almost as good as real immortality.

I hope that next year is bet­ter than the last for all of you.  I wish you all the best.  Times are hard right now, but we can make it through this together. We need to pull together as a com­mu­nity now more than ever before.  Look for those in need, and help them.  Share your pros­per­ity and it will grow in ways you never expected.  That’s what I will be try­ing to do in 2009, and I hope you will too.